Attack Spider vs Me

Before I begin, I have to catch you up on two very important and germane facts to this story.

Fact 1) I am afraid of spiders. Petrified. Paralyzed. I’m sure you get the picture.
Fact 2) One year ago today, my husband was out-of-town, which meant I was home alone.

The accounting that follows is true.  I facebooked the entire interaction between the evil Attack Spider and myself.  I’m still not sure who won.

The setting is an ordinary bedroom in an ordinary apartment in an ordinary section of the ordinary city of San Jose.

6 June 2016 7:08 AM:
I threw back the sheets to get out of bed this morning and disturbed this horrible thing from his hiding place. I took these pictures, (with its legs it was about the size of a dime) so I could identify if it was poisonous, and then I killed it with my shoe…or so I thought.

AttackSpider1         AttackSpider2

I texted my screams and the pictures to Jimmy, looked back at the bed, and it was gone!
Apparently Attack Spider is very good at playing dead.
WHERE IS THE SPIDER??????????

6 June 2016 7:20 AM
THE
SPIDER
BIT
ME!

6 June 2016 7:39 AM
I had to return to the scene of the spider assault and escape to get ready for work.
My purse is on the bed….is the spider in it?
Is it hiding in the clothes I laid out last night?
WHERE IS THE SPIDER???????

6 June 2016 7:49 AM
Obviously the Attack Spider is a superior warrior skilled in advanced combat tactics such as guerrilla warfare. It’s a beige spider on a combat field of beige sheets and beige carpet. He could be hiding in plain sight.

I cede this battle to you, Attack Spider, but wait until I get home tonight.
It’s on like Donkey Kong.

6 June 2016 7:52 AM
Jimmy’s response to my trauma from Attack Spider?
Alcohol.
I wonder if he means for me, the spider bite, or Attack Spider.

6 June 2016 8:07 AM
I WILL BE BACK, ATTACK SPIDER.
I WILL BE BACK.

6 June 2016 9:01 AM
I’m at work now, and safe from Attack Spider. There is a Target across the street. I’m on my way to get some Benadryl for the spider bite, wine for me, and THREE cans of Raid for Attack Spider.

6 June 2016 6:53 PM
I am standing outside my door.
What will I find on the other side?
Attack Spider and his allies?

6 June 2016 6:57 PM
ATTACK SPIDER HAS BEEN DEFEATED!
There shall be much rejoicing and happiness in TriciaWorld tonight.
AttackSpider3

6 June 2016 7:31 PM
This is the spider that bit me. It did feel like a bee sting.
And it appears it was a female and may be pregnant.
There are probably more.
Help me.
AttackSpider4

6 June 2016 9:03 PM
Is the couch or bed safer from Attack Spider’s allies laying in wait?

6 June 2016 10:25 PM
It never ends. I was stripping the sheets off the bed to was them when I noticed another spider playing! This was a much smaller one and with different markings.

Unfortunately for him, he has the spider equivalent to cement shoes.
He’s being washed in hot water.
THIS SPIDER MUST ALSO DIE.

6 June 2016 10:35 PM
Ok, so a glass of wine has made me feisty. I’ll be damned if some spider that can shoot some of the strongest material on earth out of its butt is going to intimidate me!

I’ve got like 2,000 fee on you spider!
I’ve got opposable thumbs!
I’ve got a well-developed brain!
And I’ve got CHEMICAL WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

I’m sleeping in my own bed tonight.
Whatcha gonna do about that, Attack Spider?

6 June 2016 10:41 PM
Is is ironic or just weird that I’m addicted to this game?
AttackSpider5

About Tricia Ransom

Patricia Ransom: wife, daughter, friend. Learning, laughing, living. Chicago, Illinois, downstate. Townie, urbanite, traveller. Note: The opinions expressed on this blog belong solely to me and should not be assumed to reflect the opinions of any of my employers past, current, or future.
This entry was posted in Personal, Random Thoughts, Rants and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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