I just realized this morning that my clothing choices have changed since I was diagnosed with Lumpy. Now I look for outfits that are easy to get in/out of with minimal damage to my hairstyle. And that give easy access to the vein in my arm. Thankfully I live where it’s warm.
Whoa…just added up the costs so far for Lumpy and the total is already up to $9, 341. And 1/2 the doctors haven’t billed the insurance yet!
Thankfully my only out-of-pocket has ben a grand total of $35.
I had another doctor’s appointment today. This time it was with my primary care physician. I really like her, and she’s loving my attitude towards Lumpy. One of the tests was an EKG, and apparently it wasn’t perfect. Because my dad has a history of heart disease, now I have to meet with a Cardiologist.
I have to say, I just want my life back. And by that I mean a life without doctor appointments every 2 or 3 days. I just want Lumpy gone so I can move forward.
I see the path forward, and I’m so anxious to start down it, but it is as if I’m mired in muck that is growing from my ankles to my knees to my thighs.
Today is Tuesday and it’s already after 4PM. I just need to get through the rest of today and then I can start tomorrow new and fresh.
I’m tossing around how much longer I can work. I love coming into work and the distraction it gives me from Lumpy, but I’m so distracted when I’m here. But thinking about it, work is a good thing. It gives me something to focus on, a reason to shower each morning and somewhere to go. Besides, I really like my co-workers…we laugh.
And laughter makes me happy which is a good thing. So as my first cancer post said, Laugh with me. Please.
Some days are better than other days. It just seems that all I do is think about Lumpy. I don’t just have Breast Cancer…Cancer has invaded every single aspect of my life. And I’m tired of it!
Some days I just get tired. Tired of thinking about Lumpy, explaining Lumpy, dealing with Lumpy.
Some days I’m energized. I feel on fire to tell people, and to encourage all women to get tested.
Some days I just want to curl into a ball and hide under my covers.
Some days I just want to sit quietly in the sun and sip some wine and read a romance novel.
Some days I want to ride my bike for miles and miles!
Some days I dread having to talk to anyone about Lumpy.
Basically, some days with Cancer are like some days without Cancer. Some days are good and some days are not-so-good.
I was stressed out, and I couldn’t face being at work all day wondering what was going on, so I took the day off.
I carried both of my cell phones obsessivley all day (my work and personal cells) because the doctor’s office had both numbers but nothing ever rang. At 3:30 in the afternoon, I saw that I had a missed call and a voicemail. It was the doctor’s office asking me to call back about the results of my tests. Right then and there I knew what it was. If it was good news, they would’ve said “Great news, it’s benign.”
So I called back and left a message with the receptionist. The doctor called me back, but the phone never rang! I looked down again, at 4:54 PM to see another missed call and voicemail.
I called back again and left a message with the receptionist and made sure that they would call both of my numbers.
I couldn’t face sitting at home all day obsessing about what I might hear from the doctor, so I came into work…I got in at about 8:30 AM. I told my co-workers that I was expecting a phone call so I wasn’t putting my phones on vibrate and that I might walk away in the middle of a conversation.
At 9:02 I looked down again and saw yet ANOTHER missed call and voicemail! But this time when I called back, I got through to the doctor.
All I heard was “Invasive Ductal Carcinoma”.
I left work and drove home to my Jimmy. Almost as soon as I walked in the door, my phone actually rang. It was the hospital telling me I had an appointment with my oncological surgeon for later that afternoon.
It was at this point I called my mom and told her the results of my physical.
I went in to work. I didn’t know what else to do.
I took the morning off of work to have a new patient consultation with my oncological radiologist Jimmy and I also met with the nurse specializing in breast cancer genetics to give him a DNA sample.
We drove up to Sonoma and Russian River Valley to go wine tasting. Hey, what can I say?
Took the morning off to meet with the Breast Cancer Nurse Educator as well as to have a new patient consultation with the chemotherapy doctor.
Went back to work.
Took the morning off of work to get a blood test done as well as a breast MRI. The results were back that afternoon and it was GREAT news…no other cancer seen anywhere in either breast!
Went back to work.
Took the morning off to have a new patient consultation with the breast reconstruction surgeon. This was my favorite meeting! Not only are they going to be reconstructed, but I get a lift out of it too!
And then, I went back to work.
I’m just waiting. Waiting for medical records to be sent to my new hospital. Waiting for a surgery date. Waiting. This is the part I hate most. Waiting.
Tree of Learning 